


The Apprentice of the Apprentice

by ValentineHunter



Category: Pre-TFA - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Play, BDSM (kind of), Balanced Reader, Be ready for that, Choking, Creampie, Cum Swallowing, Cunnilingus, Daddy Kink, Dominant Kylo Ren, F/M, First Kiss, First Relationship, First Time, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Choking, Force Vision Smut, Force Visions, Forced Orgasm, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Its so hard to not just skip straight to hard fucking, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, Marriage, Morning Sex, Multiple Orgasms, My First Work in This Fandom, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn With Plot, Porn Without Plot, Quiet but Kinky, Reader hella disassociates, Reader is a BAMF but also likes to be domestic when not being a BAMF, Rough Oral Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Shower Sex, Smut, Somewhat Angsty Kylo, Submissive Reader, Tag As I Go, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, failing, first fic so it’s bad it’ll get better, force sensitive reader, kind of anyway, oh shit, someone take away my ability to tag, trying not to be so vulgar, unspoken feelings, when isn’t kylo angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2019-08-25 04:56:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16654654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValentineHunter/pseuds/ValentineHunter
Summary: You, a Foce sensitive daughter of two unknown politicians, are to become the apprentice of the legendary Kylo Ren. What will become of you?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!  
> This is my first fic on AO3 (I used to frequent Wattpad a lot, but now I’m a big girl) and this is also my first star wars fic. Please leave me criticisms in the comments and I hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I re-wrote this because the previous way it was written was really bad

    “Go to him,” Your mind beckoned, “He can still be turned. You can still bring him back to the Gray...”

 

         ---------------------------------

    Something within you stirred when you thought of Starkiller base. The headquarters of evil deeds. The product of the powerful Snoke. Dread filled your belly whenever you thought about it. Dread over how exactly you would execute your “mission.” A mission given to you only by yourself and some will of an old ally.

    You knew you had to do it. You had to board the base and try and bring him back. If what you were shown was correct, you could succeed. You would succeed. But not without challenges. You knew just showing up there would bring its own problems. You knew your past would create even more problems for you when you faced them.

    So you sealed everything away again. Your signature. Your very being was sealed behind millions of layers of mental will with the density of brick. When you were disconnected enough to the point that you felt numb, you knew it was time to go. The flyer in your hand with the bright red letters screaming against the page burned in your hand.

    “First Order interns needed! Come aboard the Starkiller base!”

    Your skin crawled when you read those words. They truly must’ve been desperate for new recruits if they felt the need to plaster this piece of bantha fodder around Dantooine. You still reluctantly boarded the vessel that would take you to Starkiller. You tried hide under a ruse of an excited new intern, and with that you gabbed to the other passengers aboard the ship as animatedly as you could manage.

    Small groups spoke in whispers, barely audible to your ears except for the small buzz words they threw in intermittently.

    “(whisper) Kylo Ren..”

    “(whisper) Snoke…”

     Those two names made your skin crawl once again as you began to focus on your mission at hand. You weren’t quite sure how you would get to him, but you were sure that you would, and that sureness was what mattered. Had you doubted yourself, you would have failed.

    Had you not trusted the Force’s plan for you, you would’ve failed.

    You decided then that whatever happened, you would go along with it for the time being. The Force knew what it wanted, and it would make it happen whether you wanted it to or not. Your thoughts were cut short and you were brought back to reality as the ship docked roughly on Starkiller Base. You were ushered out of the ship and into the hangar, where you and your group were addressed by General Armitage Hux.

    The red head spoke curtly and coldly, instructing you all to follow him into an elevator to go and meet Snoke. You followed behind dutifully, and upon arriving in the elevator, you began to feel very claustrophobic, anxiety boiling over in your system as your neared closer to your destination. You felt a strong pull in your mind again, a familiar one, one you hadn’t felt in a decent amount of time. Out of confusion, you were about to reach out when…

    The elevator doors opened and before you sat a large, shadowy and foreboding room. Snoke’s throne sat in the middle, far away from you and the rest of the group. You all were ushered in and told to stand in the center of the room for Snoke’s address. You could feel Hux’s tension rolling off him in waves, his thoughts plagued by anxiety, and you were startled over the fact that you could openly hear this thoughts. You knew if you were to stay hidden and not prosecuted for being an ex-Jedi, you would need to disguise yourself fully from all the sensitives here.

    Before you could focus again, Snoke appeared in a blazing hologram before you, and a collective gasp sounded throughout the crowd. He observed the crowd like a predator hunting its prey, and you wondered for the slightest moment if he had discovered you.

    “Greetings,” his jawless hologram drawls out, “We will now be giving you all your assignments.” He wasted no time getting to what needed to be done. He directed people into their proper groups with their proper mentors, and soon, it was only you standing in the center of the room. You tried your best to make yourself seem unaware of what was happening, but deep down, you resonated with knowledge. You knew exactly what was happening.

    He had figured you out, and now you were going to deal with the repercussions.

    “You, child…” He began slowly, “You are force sensitive… A Gray signature surrounds you… Are you aware of this?” He finishes. You made the decision to play dumb, and thus you shook your head ‘no.’

    “Emerge, boy.” Snoke growled. From the corner of your eye, you saw a rustling of shadow before a large black mass emerged from the shadows next to Snoke’s throne. Heavy boots clanged against the floor as he came into view- Kylo Ren. Tall, wide and menacing looking. You saw right through everything.

    “You seem… Untrained.’’ Snoke stated. You felt a small glimmer of glee resound in your chest- it seems your motives had gone unnoticed after all. You remained quiet and played the act of the weak, frightened victim. It had worked so far.

    “Untrained, yet balanced.” Snoke said. “You need to be taught. I believe my apprentice is ready to take on an apprentice of his own…” He grumbled out, gesturing over to Kylo while doing so. Your eyes turned to Kylo, and your minds linked temporarily. You knew he remembered you, just as you did him.

    It was time to begin, and end, this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revising all previous chapters to clean up some plot holes and grammatical errors :3

 

 

    As you stood and looked at the man before you, a strong pressure began to make itself known at your temples, and in one strong pang of pain, you collapsed onto the cold floor of Snoke’s room  

_Darkness is all that plagues your vision when you wake up again. You’re wise enough to know that you are not actually fully awake, however, and this fact slightly comforts you. With each passing second you can feel your ability to hide your signature wavering from a lack of use in the Force, and with each passing second of consciousness, you risk doing something to lead you to be discovered._

_You sit about this ethereal plane comfortably and freely, letting your mind wander about what it wants to freely. Being aboard this vessel and being so close to him again is bringing back its own large share of memories, primarily stemming from your childhood. Fond memories..._

_You skipped after the can, giggling happily and splashing down the river. In your happy thoughts you don’t recognize another pair of adolescent feet pounce into the water and seize your ship. The thief laughs, and a strong tingling sounds off in the back of your skull._

_You furrowed your small brows, “Hey, that’s mine!”_

_“Not anymore! I can pilot it way better than you!” the boy shouted back_

_“What makes you say that!”_

_“My father is the legendary pilot Han Solo!” he shouts, proud and smug._

_“I don’t care! That ship is-”_

_“STOP THAT!” a deep, angry voice howls, abruptly ending your memory. “I never want to see anything like that again!”_

_Your comfortable state of rest in your mind is interrupted by a particularly angry, formidable energy intruding into your space. You turn your head to gaze at Kylo Ren, visibly seething beneath the cover of his mask. His chest rakes in heavy breaths and his hands are wound into tight fists at his sides. It is clear to you that this memory visibly displeases him, which by association, displeases you._

_“You cannot deny your past, Kylo,” you tell him flatly, titling your nose up at him in disapproval. He seems to become quite the emotional basket case since you last saw him many years ago._

_“And neither can you, (Y/N). Yet here we are.” Kylo shoots back at you bitterly._

_“I want to help you. Despite giving up my connection to the Force, all I’ve felt for these past years is your growing anguish!” you seethe. Kylo waves his hand at you dismissively before he turns away. This action makes your blood simmer angrily in your veins._

_“Act like a child, that’s fine. But you heard your master, you must train me!” You reply, angrily standing up to match Kylo in ferocity. He ignores you, and you feel fear rolling of of his shoulders in waves._

_“And you will. You will train me. You’re afraid of what he’ll do to me and you if he finds out who I really am,” You read him his own emotions, and he turns to face you angrily._

_“Get out of my head.” He growls. You smile and back out of his mind slowly. You two remain silent for a few moments more, until you can sense that you have entered a different room on the physical plane._

_“Wake up,” Kylo says, “We have arrived.”_

     When you open your eyes, you see yourself suspended over the floor a few considerable feet. You look around confused until Kylo quickly plops you onto the floor, and you hit your butt roughly on the carpet in front of the doors. You turn and are slightly taken aback by the size and stature of his room. It seems everything here was built for a very large man, and not a fairly short female. 

     Kylo strides into one of the many rooms that you see from the where you stand, but you get the feeling you aren’t supposed to follow him. This is punctuated when he slams the door behind him, and loud screams of rage and the slashing of… something destroying the room bounces off your ears. 

    You take this time to investigate. His living room is 6 inches into the floor compared to the rest of the room, so you must step down to go into it. It is fairly understated, a medium sized matte black couch faces the wall, and a table with a television rests between two circular windows. 

    Directly behind the couch is the entranceway to the kitchen, which follows the rest of the apparent pattern of his quarters. The tiled floor is black, only the space between the tiles is white. The walls are a dull, gray color. The countertops are polished metal of some kind, and cabinets of polished black wood hang from the ceiling above the counters. 

    You exit the kitchen and walk to the door that Kylo disappeared behind; the room is silent. Remembering how he rejected your earlier kindness, you decide to let him be for right now. 

    You continue down a hallway, which leads you to what you presume to be the master bedroom. Plush bed sheets on a queen size bed beckons to you, your tiredness from your flight here setting in at last. You decide to wait to see where you could be sleeping, as to not anger the giant toddler you would be living with. Directly to the right of the bed is a desk, and to the left of the desk is a door. Opening it, you find a closet, filled to the brim with, you guessed it, black clothing. 

    On the opposite side of the room is another door, which you deduce to be the bathroom. You walk to the door and before your hand can hit the doorknob, overwhelming grief washes over you. It hurts so badly that you lose your breath for a moment, until you feel a pull deep beneath your lungs. 

    You quickly and quietly make your way to the door where Kylo vanished, and press your ear against it. You hear the faintest of sobs emerge from within. 

    Something whispers in the back of your head, guiding you to go to Kylo and investigate. You take in a deep breath before slowly turning the handle and pushing open the door. revealing the once hulking man now reduced to a pitiful heap upon the floor. 

    You slowly make your way toward him, and when your bodies come into contact, a new memory sounds from the back of your skull. 

    Grief. Pain. Sadness. Kylo was now looking up at you, and only now did you realize that he had taken his helmet off. The brown eyes of Ben Solo stared back at you, even if only for a moment. Those brown eyes blacken instantly as Kylo Ren throws you away from him. He stands, and makes his way for the door. 

    He turns. 

    “Do not touch me. Do not speak to me unless I address you. I would make you sleep on the floor if I weren’t in fear of what Supreme Leader would do to me. Sleep as far from me as possible. Just… don’t get in my way!” Kylo yells before stomping off and down the hallway, slamming the door to the bathroom. 

    You only stand when you hear the refresher turn on, and you hurriedly remove your boots and climb into bed, eager to rest and relinquish this throbbing inside your skull. You knew only two things thus far: Ben Solo still lived, and he was suffering somewhere within Kylo. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry if my earlier chapters seem a bit stiff, it’s been a long time since i’ve written, and i was feeling myself out. 
> 
> I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up with the creation of a writing/uploading schedule, since my personal life can be hectic at times with me being a student and all, but i’m hoping to write a lot over the upcoming thanksgiving break!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, and i’m excited about writing the next one!
> 
> edit: Revised ;)

   It is Kylo’s strong stare that wakes you up the next morning. You turn to him groggily and stare at him incredulously. 

    “Can I help you?” You squeak sarcastically. 

    “Supreme Leader wants to see us as soon as possible. Get up and get dressed,” Kylo says before swiftly exiting the room. You ruthlessly rub at your eyes before hauling yourself from the bed and pitter pattering across the carpet to the refresher. You enter the refresher and look around, searching for something of semblance to get ready with. 

    You rejoice when you find a toothbrush, still wrapped in its respectable plastic pouch, and a tube of toothpaste on the sink. You happily get to brushing your teeth, and then rinse the sleep off of your face before going back into Kylo’s bedroom. You eagerly want to change out of your clothes, but you have no replacements, so these must suffice. You resolve to go looking for new clothes tomorrow. 

    Walking out into Kylo’s living room, you find him standing stiffly against the wall next to the blast doors. You stride past him to open the door, and you huff when the door doesn’t open for you. Kylo chuckles at your weak display darkly. 

   “They only open for me,” He says cockily. You roll your eyes at this very audible challenge. You close your eyes and try to tap into the Force as much as you can, reaching out with your mind to find the mechanism locking the door. When you find it, you release it fairly easily, and the door slides open immediately. You open your eyes and beam at Kylo, who now glares at you. You ignore his glare and step through the door, following Snoke’s Force signature all the way to his rooms. 

    You know it is risky to use the Force in these ways until Kylo starts “training” you, but you honestly could not  _ stand _ Kylo treating you as someone so beneath him in power, when in truth at one time you were his equal, on the brink of becoming more powerful over him. 

    You arrived at Snoke’s doors and Kylo is but a second behind you. You allow him to enter as to not upstage him in front of his master, and follow him inside. You both near Snoke’s hologram and Kylo kneels before him, and so you follow suit. When your knee hits the floor, Snoke begins speaking. 

    “Ren. Today you will start training her. I trust in your methods boy, but do not be reckless with her. The Force is stirring- something is coming soon, and you will need a partner to keep you balanced. Make her that partner.” He orders Kylo before vanishing into thin air. His curtness surprises you, but now you can see where Kylo gets his bluntness from. Like master like student you suppose. 

   Kylo stands a few moments after Snoke’s jawless face disappears, and you follow his movement up and out the door, and back down the hall to his quarters. You idly survey the halls on the way there, hoping to remember your way there for future reference. When you enter his quarters, he walks a few feet away from you before stopping. 

    “We should begin with meditation. If it really has been as long as it seems for you, that would be the best place to start. Follow me,” Kylo instructs before walking into the room you found him crying in yesterday. You follow him dutifully into the room before taking a seat cross legged before where he himself sits. 

    “I’m sure you remember how this goes. Open yourself back up. Let the Force back into you,” He says quietly before closing his own eyes. You find his statement hypocritical, since he himself must not meditate often due to training under the Dark side of the Force. Sith and Dark side users were not ones known for meditation, but Snoke clearly wanted Ren to be balanced, if he chose you to be his partner in doing so. 

    You place your hands on the ground, fingertips flush against the ground, and relax your shoulders while exhaling a breath so deep the air released would be considered stale. Your eyes slip closed and your whole being relaxes as you enter your Force plane once again. You focus on everything around you, trying to deduce their harmonious cacophony of vibrations into pictures in your mind. 

    One by one, sounds turn into images in your mind, and you begin to see things around the room come into plain view before you. The bookshelves once again towering over you, their books and pages and transcripts all placed delicately upon their shelves singing very very softly in your ears. As you focus harder, other parts of Kylo’s large quarters make themselves known. Items within the kitchen, the bedroom, the refresher all joining the orchestra in your mind. 

    All this time, you’ve been avoiding the most formidable, baritone hum in this room. Seated directly before you, you’ve been cautious to avoid Kylo’s signature, afraid of what touching it will do to you once again. All alarms ring in your mind, warning you to not touch him again, to not become one with him again, but you throw caution into the wind and proceed anyway. There was no way you could bring Ben Solo back of you didn’t reach out to him. 

    You reached out with an air of cautiousness, reaching toward the deep hum of Kylo’s signature, the closer you go the more electricity you feel coursing through your soul. And then finally, you reach him. There is a brilliant shock shooting through your fingertips, up your tight muscles and into the deepest part of your chest.  Your eyes shoot closed as your head throbs, your heart flutters, and there is a familiar and oh so strong pull in your chest. Your eyes open. Suddenly, he is there before you. Ben Solo. 

    You see him as clear as the day, seated right before you. You reach out to touch him, but there is something holding you back. You watch as a dark cloud wraps itself around Ben, pouring into his ears, his nose and his now open mouth, screaming out your name as a plea of help rises from his throat. After the smoke transforms him, all you see before you is Kylo Ren. The pull in your chest is stronger now, urging you to go to Kylo. 

    The strength of the pull after the disappearance of Ben Solo confuses you to a great level. You knew you had a Force bond with Ben all those years ago. You knew cutting yourself off from the Force has most likely severed the bond. But why had the bond come back so strongly with Kylo? The only answer you could offer yourself was this: Had Ben Solo faded and joined with Kylo Ren, changing your fate and destiny within the Force? And were you now meant to be bonded wholly to Kylo Ren?

_ “You two are bonded…”  _ Snoke’s hoarse voice resounds from within your skull,  _ “This makes everything very… interesting. Work to make it stronger.”  _ he instructs before fading away from you. 

    Your eyes shoot open, and you look to Kylo’s hunched form, the balls of his hands pressed against his eyes in exasperation. 

    On instinct, you reach out. 

    “Ben…” You day gently, getting into your knees to shuffle to him. 

    “Ben Solo is gone. Do not call be Ben!” Kylo angrily rasps. You sit back into the balls of your feet in exasperation. Defeatedly, you gently stand and make you way to the door. You spare Kylo one last glance before you quietly open the door and step out, closing the door with nothing but a tiny click. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited and brand new! kind of

    You carefully, with saddened footsteps, walked into Kylo’s bedroom. You had a great deal of things to think about; so many things that your brain could not form one cohesive thought without great effort on your part. You sighed heavily and sprawled yourself across the bed, massaging at your temples. So many things had happened this week- and even just today- alone.

    You hated seeing Kylo in pain. You weren’t sure what it was, but you knew you hated seeing him in pain. You danced over the idea of it is was because he had Ben Solo’s face, the face of someone you could never stop loving, or if he really was the person intertwined into your new destiny. After everything that happened, you would hate if it was because you still loved the original owner of the face Kylo Ren now took hold over.

    You honestly couldn’t begin to believe you’d made it here. It felt like days ago was the last time you saw Ben Solo- the last time you had openly given yourself to the Force- and now suddenly you were right back in the thick of things. It was true, what you told him earlier in your mental plane, that you had been feeling his anguish and his self disgust every single day. What you didn’t tell him is that you didn’t know it was really him. Ben Solo was the one you were getting signatures from, and now Kylo Ren was the one who stood before you, seemingly abhorrent of Ben Solo and his past. You momentarily questioned how you could restore Ben Solo if Kylo Ren refused to let himself go back to his past, but you eventually pushed the trepidation from your mind- you would not worry about such things right now.

    What you needed to worry about right now was restoring your strength in the Force. If you expected yourself to do anything, you absolutely had to become one with the Force again. That thought terrified you and stirred your fear deep in your soul. Everything felt so foreign, and a deep down part of you who always demanded control over everything at all times was seething from lack of control. One thing kept you from the edge of madness: a trust in the Force. It hadn’t given up on you when you clearly gave up on it, and for that you would never give up on it again.

    Kylo’s outburst had made you mentally exhausted. Many things came with your rekindled Force bond, the two biggest being more confusion and a burning in the back of your skull. You knew the burning was Kylo’s anguish at this new leaf you were both expected to turn over together. You knew that since you were bonded to him again that you would hear all of his thoughts and feel all of his emotions, both good and bad, no matter how hard he tried to block them from you. Your souls traveled on a wave length, and that meant that him hiding a thought or feeling from you was like hiding that same thing from himself. Impossible.

    The confusion that came with the bond was kindled mainly by your conflicting feelings of hope and despair. You hoped that if you were able to restart and rebuild your Force bond with Kylo, that that would mean Ben really was alive within him. But what if he wasn’t? And what if your destiny was with Kylo?

    All the thinking and the possibilities quickly gave you a headache, and in a moment of bravery you stood from your spot on the bed and made your way to the refresher, opting to draw a nice tub full of scalding hot water to help your tense muscles relax. Your eyes slipped closed as you sank yourself into the water, letting its satin fingers caress your skin. You decided to tap into Kylo’s emotions and try to send him some relaxation, and you were surprised to find that his signature was coming from somewhere nearly halfway across the base. He seemed downright mad now, his signature tense with red hot rage. You chuckled at this, finding his anger toward the inevitable amusing. He surely must’ve known you were coming to this base eventually, and he should’ve known that if you came back, a semblance of your bond together would as well. Maybe his denial ran deeper than you thought.

    A rapid knocking interrupted your relaxing bath, and you shot up in the water when you heard the blast doors in the living room unlock. You scattered out of the bath and to the closet to find a towel, and you had just finished wrapping it securely around yourself as General Hux burst into your refresher.

    “Can I help you, General?” you outrightly seethed.

    “Can you come and contain your master? He is shredding up very important equipment on the bridge right now!” He shrieked. Your scowl quickly went to a small, amused smile on your lips. You lightly chuckled.

    “If you would give me a moment to get dressed, please,’’ you replied, gesturing to the door to the bedroom to get the point across. Hux hurriedly went to the door, and in a display of bravery, you closed the door behind him with the Force. If you were going to contain Kylo, you would need to be warmed up anyway. You quickly went to your dresser, where you had left your dirty clothes prior to getting into the bath. You dressed swiftly and then strode out into the living room to meet Hux.

    “Well, lead the way sir,” you stated simply. He eyed your ensemble for a moment. 

    “You don’t have an official uniform,” he mumbles, and you shake your head. “One thing at a time I suppose. Come.”

    You follow Hux dutifully throughout the halls of Starkiller Base, jogging to keep up with his fast paced steps. You two quickly near a large, glass paned room with a bridge centered directly through the middle connecting two sections together. You see Kylo’s red lightsaber blaring through the windows in a room close to you, and when you finally make it to the bridge, Kylo is marching down, facing away from you. You take a deep breath and step out onto the bridge, moving closer to him. When he senses you, he stops in his tracks.

    “Why are you here?” He growls. You roll your eyes.

    “Why are you throwing a temper tantrum?” You reply. You see his shoulder slump.

    “I wasn’t.”

    “Then why did Hux have to come and get me so I could stop you?” You reply sarcastically. He is quiet for a moment.

    “I should have killed you the moment you stepped on this base!” He hisses as he spins on his heel. Your feet shift to give you more balance, your right hand going to your belt instinctively, searching. Seeing Kylo like this stirs something in you. He takes a step closer to you, and you step back. He waves his saber in the air between the two of you menacingly. You scowl at him.

    “You wouldn’t,” You reply simply. His muscles tense.

    “And why not?” he replies through clenched teeth.

    “Killing me would be like killing yourself, Ben. And you know it.”

    He wavers for a moment, a very fleeting moment, before his grip tightens once again. His boots dig into the metal grate beneath you, and he lets out a scream of pure rage before approaching you. He raises his saber as if to strike you, and you stand there, motionless. It seems that time has stilled. You prepare for the final blow, closing your eyes and raising your right hand up gently. You wait for the loud clunking of his boots hitting the grate and the searing pain from his blade through your shoulder, but neither of them come.

    You open your eyes inquisitively and you find Kylo suspended in the air above you, gently floating with his blade suspended. His face is impassive as he stares down at you from his place in the air before you.

    “I told you you could not kill me,” you say bravely, before backing up and releasing your hold on Kylo. He falls to the ground and his saber rolls away, over to the edge of the bridge’s grated floor. Kylo quickly jerks a hand out to grab the saber with the Force, and is confused when the saber flies the opposite direction of him. He follows the lightsaber’s path straight to your outstretched palm, where your fingers close around it protectively.

    You smiled to yourself. It felt good to feel raw power coursing through your veins again as you towered over Kylo Ren, visibly beaten by your display of the Force.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten and new ;) enjoy

    You looked down at Kylo as he stared blankly at the floor beneath him. You could tell that he was very very confused at what had just occurred, and you would be lying if you didn’t say the same about yourself. Kylo Ren was impassive and sour as you reached down to help him get to his feet, hating the fact that he needed assistance. Once he is standing before you, you slowly hand him back his lightsaber after giving him a nice mental screening to make sure he wouldn’t draw the weapon on you again. There is a thick tension in the room, which quickly makes you uncomfortable, and so you leave the room to Kylo alone.

    Before you can exit this area of the base altogether, General Hux pulls you aside once again.

    “I believe you need a uniform, am I correct?” he inquires. You nod slowly in agreement, and at this the general pins on his heel. You follow him, assuming that’s what was needed, as he leads you throughout a part of the base you had never seen before. You follow him into a room with many racks of clothes lining the walls, and a woman peeks her head out of a door to the left of the racks.

    “She is here to pick up the uniforms I ordered. Make sure they fit her accordingly and then send her on her way,” Hux says before taking his leave. You and the woman share a look before she stands and waves you into the room she was in. You follow her inside, and she immediately gets to work making sure your new uniform fits you. You find that this uniform is not that much different to Kylo’s, the exception being more armor around the breast and lower abdominal section, and the bodice being tailored to hug your curves more.

    You are given your own black cowl and cape set, along with black leather gloves and pointed boots. Your pants are the thickest black leggings you had ever worn in your life, but they still served to be breathable and quite comfortable on your slightly muscled legs. After your fitting is complete, she sends you on your way and tells you that the rest of the uniforms will be delivered to your quarters by the end of the next rotation.

    The only thing left for you to do now is to return to your shared quarters with Kylo. You turn and go about your merry way, until you pass a particular room you don’t remember passing on your way to the bridge. This room is filled with padding and rows upon rows of weapons, and one very large and angry black mass slicing through droid after droid with his lightsaber.

    You stand and watch Kylo with amusement, thankful he is at least using his anger in a better way than destroying much needed and expensive first order technology. You pour a dash of pride into the bond, hoping to at least let him know you aren’t angry at him for his attempt on your life, and when he receives it, he immediately stops training and spins on his heel to face you. You send him a small smile and nod before turning on your heel and heading back to his quarters.

    After arriving in his quarters, you find yourself bored beyond belief, and you idly wander his rooms until you enter the room where the bookshelves reside. You scour the shelves for something to read, and you eventually come across a plain, empty notebook. After looking at it for a few moments, you decide that journaling your experiences here would not be such a bad idea. You tuck the notebook beneath your arm and begin your search for something to write with. Once you find a pen, you go out into the living room and sit in front of the coffee table before setting out your journaling items. You touch the pen to the paper.

    Primeday, Month 5, 33 ABY

 I have been aboard this base all but a day and already Kylo has tried to kill me. I am hoping that I can penetrate his walls and make him trust me. If he ever wants to find balance, he needs to trust me. If I ever want to bring Ben back, I need him to trust me. The first order of business is getting him to curb his anger, for not only the sake of the consoles aboard this base, but for his own as well.

 As for me, I am feeling relatively neutral, which is strange. My abilities are coming back faster and stronger than I both remember and anticipated, and I am not quite sure whether or not I should be thankful or worried for this fact. We shall see.  
  


     You finish journaling moments before you feel Kylo’s signature move closer and closer to the front door. You quickly stand and hide your journal back on the shelf where you found it right as Kylo returns from training. He steps through the door and looks at you for a moment, his face looking drained from the days events. After a moment, he speaks softly.

    “Are you hungry?” You nod your head after a moment. He sighs and pulls a datapad from beneath his cloak and brings it over to you.

    “Here is how you order food. Order anything you desire.” he points from over your shoulder before turning away from you.

    “And what about you?” you turn and ask him. He pauses for a few moments.

    “I ate already, thank you.” His reply is soft. He quietly walks to the bedroom and closes the door behind him. His sweetness takes you back for a moment, but you collect yourself quickly at the prospect of obtaining a hot and delicious meal. You had forgotten how hungry you had become from all the hustle and bustle over the last two days, and when you got to ordering, you ordered a buffet. Meats, starches, and lots and lots of sugars. You waited eagerly for it to arrive, pacing the living room until a droid came and requested you to open the door. You obliged eagerly and took the tray from its mechanical hands before thanking it and closing the door.

    You went to the coffee table with your hands fully stocked and gorged yourself on food until the thought of food going into your mouth made you nauseous. You gave yourself a few minutes of rest before you decided to stretch out your limbs. A lack of use in the Force had made you grow soft, and your excessive use over the past day has your muscles whining. You stretched each muscle in your legs until they were pleasantly warm and then followed suit with your arms. After stretching you felt noticeably more fatigued, and you decided to finally crawl into bed and get some sleep.

    You entered the dark bedroom as quietly as possible, and went to the closet to change out of your uniform. Kylo was already asleep in bed, and you didn’t want to wake him after the day he had. You had a sneaking suspicion that they had sent you First Order issued pajamas when they sent the rest of your daytime uniform here, and you were pleased to see that you had suspected correctly. You changed slowly as to not wake up Kylo, and then tiptoed over to the bed and crawled beneath the covers for the second day in a row. You idly wondered how many days you would be sleeping beneath these covers. You drifted off to sleep with a full belly and relaxed muscles.

    Sleep did not stay with you for long though, as a strong bout of pain and a loud groan woke you a few hours later. You blindly searched for the cause of the strange phenomena, and you eyes fell on Kylo, who writhed next to you in the bed. His body was covered in a sheen of sweat, and tears were streaming down his face from the intensity of his nightmare. You reached out hesitantly before placing a hand softly on the side of his face. He immediately calmed down at the small action, and nuzzled his face closer into your palm. After a few moments, you retracted your hand and lay you head back down to go back to sleep, but Kylo started having another nightmare.

    You rolled over to face him but remained laying on the pillow, and opted for putting a hand over his heart this time.

    “Relax Kylo,” you whispered sleepily, “I’m right here.”

    Sleep enveloped you after that, and no more nightmares plagued Kylo that night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rewritten, enjoy!

    You wake up later than you had the past two days the following morning. Kylo wasn’t anywhere to be found, and you figured that he was out working somewhere. You get out of bed and begin your daily routine, brushing your teeth and scrubbing at your face before stripping from your pajamas and stepping into the shower. You scrub your body down, cleaning every inch of your flesh quickly.

    After your shower, you ordered yourself some breakfast on the datapad that was left on the coffee table in the living room, and you ate it slowly while perusing books in Kylo’s library. Most of the books consisted of a timeline of how the First Order came to be, which quickly bored you. You were not one to be big on politics, opting more to neutrality as long as you were not put in immediate danger by any actions of current politicians. You wandered boredly throughout the quarters, searching for something, anything at all to occupy yourself with. You even opted to idly clean up, throwing out little pieces of garbage, dusting, and putting dirty clothes where they belonged.

    Finally, boredom had eaten its way through you, and you dressed yourself in your normal armor and robes to go and explore the base. You opted for wrapping a part of your cowl around the lower half of your face to hide it, as Kylo did with his mask, and afterward you stepped through the blast doors with caution. You scanned the hallway for troopers of any caliber, and when your scan came up clear, you were off. Although to where, you weren’t quite sure.

    Something within you told you that maybe you should go back to the training room you passed by yesterday, and the more you pondered about it, the better the idea sounded. So, you began your walk to the training area, ignoring the glances from everyone you passed by on your way there. You got there relatively quick, and stepped into the room gingerly, now fully realising its size and stature. Weapons of every caliber lined the walls, some that didn’t even make sense to have on an army base, like axes and throwing knives. You assumed that maybe this was a special training area of some sort as you searched through the weapons for a specific one. When you found it, you beamed.

    There was a rack of black, collapsible metal staffs shining brightly before one, and you eagerly reached out and took one into your hand, extending it excitedly. You twirled and rolled it over in your hands, enjoying the familiar feeling of a staff in your palms. You search the room for a training droid of some sort, and in the corner you find one that had been sliced in half. You decided that it would suit your needs just fine, and dragged it out into the middle of the room.

    You circled the dummy of sorts several times before coming to stand directly in front of it, taking your staff in one hand and gracefully tucking it beneath your elbow to rest above your hip, preparing yourself to practice Shii Cho, or Form One of lightsaber dueling. It had been years since you last practiced, and you figured now was as good a time as any to touch up on your mastery of the forms.

      You close your eyes and let your eyes slip closed before letting you muscles relax, letting the Force pour itself into them to rekindle their memory of Form One. Your eyes open again, practically glistening with raw power, and you begin to gracefully dance around the training dummy, each strike calculated to come dangerously close to hitting the target, but so specific enough to never actually connect with it.

    After your performance of Shii Cho, you moved onto Makashi, or Form Two. You stood directly in front of the training dummy again, focusing on it, and began to perform the fighting form the way you remembered it. You breeze through this form, and because of this, you decide to make a big jump from Form Two to Form Seven: Vaapad. A violent form you had come to realize, after self training yourself during your time as a padawan without your master realizing. You take your stance before the dummy once again, but someone enters the room and breaks your focus.

    “Do not insult Vaapad like this,” Kylo says from behind you, and you turn to look at him questioningly.

    “What do you mean?” You reply slowly. He unclips his saber from his belt, and your hand again falls instinctively to your belt where your own saber once resided. He raises one hand to you.

    “I’m not going to hurt you. You should just use an actual lightsaber to practice Vaapad. I want you to use mine,” he says before bringing it over to you on outstretched palms. You are hesitant, very hesitant at first, to touch his lightsaber again, and especially to ignite it. You slowly take the saber from his hands, and wrap your hands firmly around it, before turning once again to the training dummy before you. You allow your eyes to slip closed once again, and focus on the saber to be able to toggle it on. Of course Kylo had a Force toggle on his lightsaber. But, whatever he could do, you could as well.

    You focus hard on the kyber crystal deep within the inner workings of the saber, and when you get to its aura, its all types of incorrect for Kylo. The krystal doesn’t share Kylo’s signature at all, and you find yourself very confused at why he wields a saber that doesn’t resonate with him. You also discover that his krystal is cracked, broken and sad within its confines. You resolve to ask about this at a later time, and focus on igniting the saber. You push with all your might on the krystal, focusing on letting your energy course through it. You feel the krystal click back together, and then…

    The saber was on, blazing a smooth, red hot light from its tip. You distinctly remembered when Kylo uses it, the saber crackles and bites angrily. For you, it was smooth, and your Force energy cradled the damaged crystal and held it back together. This just left you with more questions, but for right now, it was not time for them. You closed your eyes and centered yourself again, standing completely still in front of the training dummy. Everything in the room clicked into place, their signatures harmonizing and then dying out, and the only thing you could hear was your blood pumping through your heart.

    In an instant, you were performing Form Seven like a master, slashing around the dummy at top speeds never before reached by you during practice of the form with a staff. In your focus, you felt another signature burst into the room, another saber igniting behind you. Instantly, you spun around on your heel and attacked with an overhead strike on the opposing blade, and your eyes opened to investigate its wielder.

    Kylo stared back at you with an electric blue lightsaber ignited in his hands, pressing against your red one, the connection causing a deep purple hue to illuminate his face. How he had possession of his first lightsaber, one that resided with the Jedi, you had no idea. But he had a calmness about his signature, one that came from wielding a weapon that you knew you could control beautifully and expertly.

    “How did you get that?” You ask, retracting your blade and allowing yourself to be drawn to your opponent’s.

    “I went back to the temple years ago,” He said, “And I found yours too.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> revised and new ;) enjoy

    You stare at Kylo blankly for a moment before turning off his lightsaber, it’s crimson blade sliding back into the handle with a hiss. You bring your hand in front of you and stare down at the black metal of the saber hilt, the intricate designs in the metal ringing the entire thing. You stretch your hands out to him and offer him his saber back, and when he takes it from you, you immediately push past him and out the door of the training room, eager to go back to the room to meditate on the new information you had just been given. Your feet carry you there quickly, and you feel Kylo call for you  through the Force to come back to the room and discuss with him, but you close off the connection with him for a moment. You could feel a breakdown creeping its way up your back, and you knew your wisest choice aboard a base crawling with Dark Force energy was to meditate and get your thoughts even.

    You enter the quarters and head straight for Kylo’s library, entering and locking the door behind you. You get yourself on the floor and prepare to meditate, placing your hands on the floor and trying to release all the tension that you can from your shoulders. Your eyes slip closed and you enter your Force plane, accepting the calm and the quiet blackness around you.

    For some reason, you hadn’t anticipated your past to sneak up on you like this, even given that you were coming back here to bring Ben back. You expected your past to stay dormant like you had wanted it to, and for that you chastised yourself. You had never been one to run away from anything your entire life, and the second something you deemed bad enough happened to you, you blocked out your memories of it. It was time for you to stop running away from your problems and unhappy memories, they shaped you into who you are today. Your brain immediately wandered to Ben.

    Ever since his late childhood, he had been problematic to say the least. A baby born strong in the Force, it was his destiny to become a Jedi (and to hopefully succeed) like his ancestors before him. Luke had planned with Leia and Han to take Ben to his Jedi training school when he was of age, but there had always been the ghost of worry there. Ben’s grandfather, a powerful Force user born from the Force itself, had failed his Jedi training and become a Sith when the prospect of great power shone brightly in front of his eyes.

    Anakin Skywalker had denounced his evil ways moments before he died, and this had brought hope to Ben’s family: the hope that if the boy had begun to sour, Anakin’s spirit would help to guide him in the right direction as Ben Kenobi had helped Luke through his trying times. The Jedi master still had years to wait though, since at this moment in time, Ben was still only 5 years old, playing with other children his age on his home planet. One of those children being you.

    You and Ben, at one time, had been akin to peas in a pod, virtually inseparable. You two would play with the Force with one another, lifting balls and tossing them to each other and whatnot. When Ben had come of age to train under Luke, the prospect of him leaving you had made you hysterical. Ben was your best friend, and you loved him, and fate surely knew this. Luke knew of your powerful connection to the Force, and so after seeing your discourse at the sight of Ben leaving, he convinced your weary parents to let you come along for training as well.

    You admittedly did not remember much of the Jedi Temple, which you knew was your own fault. Ever since everything happened and you were left on your own, your memories tormenting you had begun to hinder your life on your own- so you blocked them out. What you do remember, is how your friendship with Ben turned on its heel when you both turned 13. Whether it be a work of the Force or your raging hormones, the two of you quickly realized that you both wanted something more than friendship.

    It was a relationship based mainly on mutual, irrevocable companionship between the two of you. You both vowed to never separate from each other if you could help it, fate and destiny be damned. You trained together day and night, studied and meditated with one another. You both helped each other maintain their ties to the light while improving their skills. Until those fateful months came upon your life.

    You had noticed a shift in Ben’s behavior, his Force signature, his very being seemed… cloudy, muddled almost. Something within him was churning, leaning toward darkness just as Anakin Skywalker had. You sensing this also meant that, of course, Luke did too. With each passing day, Ben turned more and more dark, and you had no idea why. He wouldn’t let you onto what was making him change. You knew now what it was, but then, he just seemed to be withdrawing from you for no apparent reason. You let anxiety flood your system for weeks after what happened, wondering if you had caused this horrible change in him. He slowly began to become more hostile toward you, but this still didn’t deter you. You wanted to prove to him that you were here to support him.

    The fateful night that ended everything was a seemingly normal night for the temple. Everyone was asleep at their normal time and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. You had a horrible nightmare- a vision of you losing Ben in a bright blast of blue- and you were on your way to Ben’s hut to speak to him and finally get some answers as to his behavior when you found the huts around Ben’s were in shambles. Smoke, ash, and bodies were laying everywhere. Your confusion mingled with panic quickly, and you pulled your lightsaber from your belt- you forgot you even had one, your memories were so repressed- and proceeded to Ben’s hut. Before you could reach it, you noticed a large, geometric and black ship land a few hundred feet away.

    Something within you pulled itself, and you by association, to the ship. The closer you got, the more dense the air around you got. As you neared the ship, a group of men clad in strange white armor flooded around you, blasters pointed right at your heart. You readied your saber for a fight, until someone aboard the ship shouted at them to put down their weapons. You turned to look at the owner of the voice, and Ben’s pale, sweaty face stared back at you. You opened your mouth to ask him why he was aboard the ship as you approached him, but more men blocked you from getting any closer to you.

    “Ben?” you asked, waving your head around, trying to find an opening in the wall of men to look through, “Ben!”

    “I’m sorry,” he said simply, pushing the men in between you two to the side. He put his hands on either side of your face and leaned down to kiss you gingerly. When he broke the kiss, the men between you both parted and went onto the ship behind him.

    “I have to go. I’m sorry.”

    “What do you mean Ben? Go where?” You yelled.

    “You can’t know that. I’m sorry. Goodbye.” Ben shoved you onto the ground, and stepped back onto the ship. It began its ascent into the air, and you cried as you watched the doors close. A final blast of bluish white light- the ship transitioning to hyperspace- blinded you as the ship darted out of the planets atmosphere. Just like that, Ben was gone, and you were alone. How Ben could be so emotionless in that moment confused you. Where had he gone? Why had he pushed you away from him? Why couldn’t you go with him?

    All the questions and uncertainty upset you a great deal. You decided on a whim that you needed to get off the planet as soon as you could. You took everything from your hut and journeyed to where you knew Luke had some ships on storage in case of an emergency. You hauled everything onto the ship and set coordinates for the closest planet. Blasting off into hyperspace, you were off. Somewhere along your journey, you vowed to never again meddle in the ways of the Jedi or anything related. You shot your lightsaber out of the ship’s airlock and you’ve never seen it again. Well, you thought you would never see it again. The prospect of getting your saber back excited you, but scared you to near death as well.

    Why Kylo had gone back to the charred remains of Luke’s temple, you might never know. But at least your questions has been answered after years of uncertainty. That was what mattered to you.

    “Is that all you can think about when you see me?” Kylo asked you, pulling you from your meditation and back to the floor of his library. You looked up at him with wide eyes, unsure of what to say to him after that. Kylo got onto his knees before you, crouching to get closer to your level in anticipation for your answer. You stared at your hands as he asked again.

    “Why?” 

    You looked at him with squinted eyes, anger swelling up in your gut.

    “What do you mean, why?” You asked.

    “Why is that all you see when you look me in the eyes?” He asked again.

    You paused a moment.

    “I was in love with you. I depended on you every single day to be there, and I thought that you needed me like that too. And then suddenly you were gone. I was wrong, and it hurts, Kylo,” you explain.

    He swallows audibly.

    “It hurts me too, you know,” he says quietly, looking down at his knees. You scoff.

    “Why would it hurt you? You’re not Ben. You didn’t love me.”

    You feel a strong pang of rage flood the Force bond then.

    “You’re right. I’m not Ben anymore. Ben died a long time ago. And (Y/N), the old you died with him. But that doesn’t mean I don’t regret things I did as Ben, and that doesn’t mean I didn’t- and don’t- still love you,” He begins, and you open your mouth to interrupt, but he doesn’t let you.

    “Ben and I aren’t two different people. Ben is a past phase of my life. I’m living in the present now. But I won’t sit here and act like I don’t wake up everyday, alone here, and regret that day that I left you. It hurts me too, (Y/N).”

    You don’t look up at him, and yet he still goes on anyway.

    “You said that you felt my pain and anguish. And I’ve felt yours too. I-”

     “Why didn’t you try and come back?” You mumble, cutting him off sufficiently.

     “I couldn’t,’’ is all Kylo replies. You nod silently, your eyes swelling with tears. He reaches a hand out to you, placing his fingertips on your knee.

    “I want to talk about things. I want to fix things,”  he says earnestly.

     “For a Dark Side user you sure are radiating positive energy,” you state matter-of-factly. He shrugs.

    “Almost killing you put things into perspective for me. I saw that spark in you again. It reminded me of how things used to be, no matter how badly I wanted to forget. I don’t want to be in pain anymore, (Y/N).” he says, and something in his wording rubs you the wrong way. You look up at him.

    “Is that the only reason that you want to make up? So you can feel better?” You ask, taking his hand and removing it from your leg roughly. He sighs exasperatedly.

    “No! I want to make up because I don’t want either of us to be in pain anymore!” He says loudly, raising his voice slightly. You remain silent for a few moments before speaking.

    “I want that, too,” you say, “I want to fix things too. But first, we have to fix you.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> revised!

    “What do you mean, fix me?” Ben asked, angling himself away from you with an air of mistrust.

    “We need to get you balanced and more open to communication. If you want to fix things, we actually need to be a team. No more secrets, Kylo. Never again,’’ you warned, and he nodded in response. 

    “It was wrong of me to keep what was happening from you. I regret that every day. I just didn’t want you to feel how I felt,” he mumbles quietly, and you reach out to him mentally and comfort him. 

   “Come on, let’s meditate. It's time we start getting balanced again, both with the Force and each other” you say, flattening your fingertips against the carpet again, and Kylo follows suit, sitting before you with legs crossed. 

    “I need you to listen to me. Let anything that comes to mind flow, don’t stop any of the visions you see. The Force will show you what it wants you to see, and in seeing that and coming to terms with it, you can find balance. Let it be natural,” you instruct, closing your eyes and exhaling before entering your mind. You hear Kylo exhale as well, and then you two are meditating together. 

    Your mind has nothing in particular for you, so you focus on seeing what Kylo is seeing. Bright lights are flashing past his eyes, and suddenly, him and you both are sitting aboard the ship he flew away from you on. He sits somberly in the corner of the ship, head in his hands. Everyone else on the ship knows to leave him alone, that he would only snap after what happened that night. You look to Kylo to see how he is reacting to seeing himself, and his face is impassive. 

    The next vision you both see is Kylo going to see Snoke for the first time upon boarding the ship. He kneels before the decrepit man, and he congratulates on him for turning to the right side, the Dark Side, and leaving all the weak people behind him. You can read Ben’s emotions, despite it being a memory, and you’re almost proud to feel a small bit of anger rise up in him for Snoke. Your pride dissolved as Snoke quickly catches on to Ben’s anger and why he is angry, and Snoke tells him that his bond to you made him weak. Snoke severed the bond, or moreso thought he did, and gave Kylo a good dosage of Force lightning for good measure before sending him away to his quarters to get a good nights sleep for work in the morning. 

    You see Ben staggering his way to his room, and collapsing on the bed before crying himself to sleep. You see him doing this for nights and nights, so many nights that you see his muscles thicken and his hair grow longer, a time lapse of his sorrow directly before you. You watch his physical progress into strength and his mental progress into hysteria, and you meekly wish that you could’ve been there to help him through it all. 

    The next vision the Force gives the both of you is of Kylo Ren sitting in the pilot seat of a ship, piloting the vessel on his own years after he stopped crying himself to sleep. He had been given instructions for a solo field mission, but he chose to make a small detour on his way back to base. He lands the ship where the ship that took him away from you once stood, and leaves the ship to explore the product of his own anger. He walks through the rubble for a few minutes before something piques his interest a few meters away. He trekked through the rubble and then through an open field until he comes upon the objects of his interest: a pair of lightsabers resting in the dirt. It seems that your lightsabers had been dropped on the same planet and their krystal’s energies had pulled them together. He reaches down and picks up the lightsabers, and a vision blasts its way through his eyes; you standing before him in Snoke’s throne room. You hum in surprise at this. 

    “Is this why you weren’t very surprised to see me?” You ask him. He nods in response. 

    “That, and the fact that we were destined from birth to be with each other in some form, I honestly figured I would be seeing you again sometime eventually,” he says matter-of-factly. You shrug. Fair enough, you supposed. 

    “Kylo?” You asked when the Force didn’t present you with another vision. 

    “Yes?” He replies. 

    “Can I have my lightsaber?” You feel his hesitancy through the Force as you both finish your meditating. 

    “You need to trust me. I won’t do anything bad with it,” you say, lightly pleading with him. He sighs heavily before standing and waving for you to follow him. You stand excitedly and follow him to his bedroom, where he vanished into his closet and moments after re-emerges with a black, metal case. He places the case on the foot of the bed, and waits for you to stand next to him to open it. He opens the case, and the airtight seal breaks with a crackling sound. Within the case sits his lightsaber, and next to it, yours. 

    You reach out excitedly for your saber, taking it gently out of the case and rolling it in your hands. You move away from the bed a few steps before igniting it, it’s blue blades shooting out of either side of the hilt. It was good to feel your saberstaff in your hands again, light and buzzing with good, pure energy. 

    “Well, what are you waiting for?” you turn to Kylo, “Take yours out! Let’s duel!” you challenge him. He gives you a quick, questionable look, and upon seeing the enthusiasm in your eyes, he removes his old saber as well. The blue blade, exactly matching your blades, shoots out with a smooth hiss, and for a moment, all is calm. Everything is as it should be for that fleeting moment. 

    “Do you remember how we made these?” You ask Kylo, and he nods, offering you a simple “Of course I do.” 

    Years ago, Luke had pulled you and Ben aside from your training one day to discuss something with you. He brought you into a room where he had a few kyber crystals placed on a table, and he asked both you and Ben to choose the crystal that was most attuned to your individual energy. Neither the two or you nor Luke expected you both to be attracted to the same crystal, but you had been anyway.You had both reached out with the Force to bring the crystal to you, and it sat midair, unable to go one way or the other between you.  A large kyber crystal formed of two crystals joined together was what you were both had resonated with, and at this moment Luke knew that the two of you were destined for something more. Something more, together. He instructed you to sit and meditate on the crystal for many days and nights, until you both figured out how to split the crystal in half. When you did, it was a clean break, and the two of you immediately set out to begin work on constructing your actual sabers. His saber’s construction took significantly less time than yours did, seeing as you had to find a way to route your crystal’s power to power both of your blades. 

    After you had both constructed them, you practiced the forms against each other religiously, perfecting them against the other’s blade. The two of you at the present moment understood that you both should practice again, and you instinctively circled each other, blades poised. Kylo was the first to attack, displaying use of Form Seven, and you knew immediately to counteract with Form One, standing firmly against the ground and bouncing his attacks off your blades expertly. Every jab of his saber toward you, you were able to deflect them back to him, and then move onto the offensive. Jabs and hits came and went in a flash, until you suddenly spun at such a fast speed Kylo had not predicted it, and launched your bright blue blade directly at his neck, singeing the hairs there with a hiss. He looked at you blankly, eyes devoid of all emotion. 

    Then, suddenly, Kylo’s eyes creased at the corners in what you could only perceive as pure joy and pride. You sent the blade that nearly beheaded him back into the hilt of your saber and then turned the other blade to glow between you two again. With your staff transformed into a normal lightsaber, you and Kylo could duel with no unfair advantages. Years of abandoning the Force and everything to do with it will have made you rusty in saber dueling, the only reason you had been able to recall the mechanics of staff dueling was because you still practiced with a staff occasionally on your travels. 

    Kylo’s feet shifted beneath him in a small motion, turning slightly to the left, and you smirked at yourself. You knew where he was going to launch his next attack based upon the positioning of his feet, and he would be aiming for your left flank. He does exactly as you predicted and moved for your left, and you gracefully spun away from him before launching an attack above his head, which he parries immediately. Your sabers clash with a hiss, and then it’s back to circling one another in a way akin to a predator and its prey. The only difference is neither of you know which is the predator, and which is the prey. You decide you want to show Kylo that you are just as strong in the Force as you were all those years ago, and so you take the extreme yet tactful offensive. 

    You circle Kylo slowly, deciding on where to launch an attack excitedly. You throw jabs at him constantly, which he always parries. You launch attacks from above and attacks from below, but they never connect. Kylo is too quick and skilled to be bested by you, but you absolutely refused to give up. Your legs bend at the knee when an idea springs into your mind, and without thinking you spring into the air above him. You figured you could land nimbly behind him, reach around and nearly behead him, but Kylo had the advantage again. You had been projecting a little louder than you thought. Kylo spins on a dime, grabbing your wrists once you land on the ground, and pins you against the wall behind you both. Your chests are both heaving, your breath hitting against the others face, and you offer him a small smile. 

    “It seems you’ve beat me,” you say matter of factly. Kylo smiles at you, but he doesn’t move away from your face. His eyes stare into yours, searching for something. This close contact makes your head spin, a blush streaming across your cheeks. Kylo’s eyes wander your own for a moment longer before gliding down the rest of your face, viewing your pink tinged nose and cheeks before landing on your lips. Kylo leans in a bit closer, pupils dilating the closer he got to your face. Your eyes fluttered closed as your lips brushed together, and you could feel an influx of blood flush to them, swelling them slightly. 

    Your lips fully touch in the softest kiss Kylo has ever given you, and your heart thumps in your chest. The Force whirls around the two of you, humming happily in the crevices in both of your minds. It’s happy to have you two together again. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I return!  
> (I would have returned sooner if school hadn’t suddenly started kicking my behind)

     The sunlight that bled into your eyes surprised you. The base was not a place where sunlight typically shone it’s warming rays, and when said rays were dancing in your eyes, you shot awake confused. You had awoke in a field filled with tall grass that was swaying all around you from the wind.

     Confusion moved from your aura into everything around you very quickly. You had fallen asleep in bed with Kylo, laying close to him after a tiring night of sparring. You had fallen asleep in Kylo’s quarters on the cold base. And now you were in a field. Fear gripped your body, and the grass immediately around you stilled under the weight of your fear on your shoulders.

     You could hardly see over the height of the grass, the blades extending just above the top of your head. You sat up straighter to overlook the green, eager to gather some answers on exactly where you were, and possibly why you were here. You overlooked the wide, dark green expanse of field until you came across a figure, donned in light tan and white robes, standing a good distance away from you. You began to stand, placing your delicate hands on the ground to help you gain your balance, and you stated in bewilderment at the silk white garment adorning your arms.

     A quick examination of your person yields you with a strange revelation: you were wearing a set of light silken robes, akin to that of your robes from when you were a padawan under Luke. You stand quickly and make haste in approaching the tall figure in your line of sight. When you reach him, you realize it is Kylo.

     Or, more specifically, Ben.

     You come to stand next to him and overlook the crystal blue lake before you both, and the only sound that can be heard is the soft rustling of the wind in the grass. This place, this tranquility you feel… what is this?

     Ben turns to you.

     “This is my favorite place,” He says simply, his voice deep and soft, and a large silence fills the field again before he continues.

     “This is Naboo.”

     You decide to cut to the chase.

     “How and… why am I here?” You ask him. His brow furrows, his attention never once leaving the lake.

     “I wished to speak with you… As face to face and in person as I possibly could,” he says, eyes slipping shut slowly. You stare at him, silently imploring him for more information. When he doesn’t acquiesce, you open your mouth to speak.

     “What’s on your mind?” you ask. A very simple question. Ben pauses for a seemingly unnecessary amount of time.

     “I’m miserable. The person I’ve become is not me… I want to be free. I want to come back to the light. Or the grey, or whatever isn’t under Snoke’s awful rule…” He buries his head in his hands before sighing exasperatedly, rubbing at his eyes roughly. You stand silently next to him for a moment.

     “And you want me to help you.” You state simply, finishing his thought.

     You remembered a young you, waking with a start in her bed at the sound of a strangers voice. 

      _“Hello, young one,”_ it cooed to you gently. You turned your head to find the disembodied voices origin, but quickly found nothing within the confines of your room.

      “ _Do not be alarmed, I only wish to help you,”_ the voice continued, _“You have been blessed with a very special gift, little one. Your life will be an interesting one indeed. Whatever you do, do not give up on you, your gift or those close to you. Always improve. You can do great things one day…”_ the voice echoed inside your head as it faded away.

     Your head throbbed with confusion: who the hell had spoken to you, and why the hell did they sound so philosophical? You shook your head crankily and plopped your head back onto your pillow, aching to be back asleep.

     A sour taste made itself known on the back of your tongue at the realization that, for awhile, you had blatantly ignored the mysterious man’s advisory to you, and you had rebuked the Force and everything tied to it in hopes of forgetting Ben Solo. Your soul, you admit, has lain dormant for all of those years, something within you burning to be let free one again. Immediately setting foot on the base and coming into contact with Kylo and by extension Ben had resolved the burn deep within you, stirring up the nature of your soul to be light once again.

     You realized that the main reason for the allowance of Kylo’s entry into your life were the multiple benefits along with many disadvantages. You would finally be able to redo your wrongs on the Force and let its warm, ethereal glow envelop your heart again, and the internal damnation you had been living in in Ben’s -now, you reminded yourself, Kylo’s- absence would evaporate from your conscience. Your damnation was caused, in part, you now know, by Kylo’s empty space in your life, and in part from the confusion you felt from an unknown signature within the Force that was always struggling… Tumbling within itself. Wrestling between two sides, the Dark and the Light. You knew this signature to now be Kylo’s.

     Upon this realization, you knew two things: Ben Solo was not so far away after all, and you had very limited time and ways to reach him. If Kylo Ren, a prince of darkness, Master of the Knights of Ren, was battling an internal battle of Man vs. Self, unable to be rid of his Light past, then Ben Solo must be alive and kicking within him, maybe even growing stronger every single day. You too, had felt the tugging within your soul, threatening to tear you apart into pieces, but your determination to disassociate from the Force had planted you smack dab in the middle of the Dark and the Light; right smack dab onto the Gray.

     The Gray, a pleasant yet powerful blend of the Dark Side and the Light Side. Because of this alignment, you suffered very few emotional deviances and outbursts, and you wouldn’t be subjected to the gnarly deterioration many Dark Side aligned users would experience when being completely aligned to the Dark.

     The Light within you brought you to make good, justified and passive decisions. It was the Light within you that made you choose to let Kylo come back into your life, and the Dark within you that made you stand up to him and solidify that you were not one to be walked upon any longer. You knew immediately why Snoke favored you so much, albeit you were trying to hide your true knowledge of the Force when you met him; he knew of the strong balance within you and he assumed that you would be a good tightrope for Kylo to balance himself on. You hid your memories from his tenacious mind probing, and he therefore knew nothing of your ties to Kylo. You presumed if he had, you would have been made to die at Kylo’s hand to bring him more into darkness. Your surprise arrival onboard the base had swayed fate quite a bit, you presumed.

     Snoke presented to you your second hurdle. You would need to keep your history with Kylo a secret. You feared that if Snoke caught onto your pasts, he would interfere with you bringing Ben back from his grip. You wanted Ben to be the one to walk the path between the Light and the Dark with you. You chastised yourself lightly for thinking so deeply into things for a brief moment. You began to rationalize that Kylo couldn’t be that different from Ben Solo, one was borne from the other. You knew that if things came to it, Kylo would be the one walking the line with you. Kylo wanted to try. You could feel that from his signature; he wanted to try balancing on the Gray with you. If you couldn’t have your Ben Solo back, if he was lost on the sands of time, you still wanted to help his successor.

     The sound of Kylo getting out of bed brings you from the Force plane back to the real world.

     “Good morning,” he rasps at you, voice deep from hours of disuse. You smile at him.

     “Good morning Kylo,” you reply quietly. He sits up and looks over his shoulder, eyes squinted. He stares at you like this for a moment before sighing heavily and standing up.

     “Are you hungry?” he asks. Your stomach makes a small grumbling noise, which he responds to with a laugh.

     “I’ll go make us breakfast, you can relax here if you’d like,” he says before standing up and stretching his back, his muscles rippling under his pale skin. The sight made your mouth water slightly, causing you to quickly chastise yourself. You hardly know this new person, you can’t just jump his bones willy nilly. He laughs at your thoughts and you blush heavily, sliding the blanket over your cheeks.

     Kylo flashes you one last toothy grin before stepping out of the bedroom. Once he leaves, you sit up and stretch the sleep from your muscles before deciding to go freshen up in the bathroom. You wash your face and brush your teeth quickly, and afterward you analyze yourself in the mirror. Your nose, your skin, your teeth.

     Your features were synonymous with how you felt inside: glowing. Your soul felt warm, and you could not decide if it was the beginning of a romance with Kylo, or your reattachment to the Force, but whatever it was, you felt good. You exited the bathroom with a smile and walked to Kylo’s closet, once again donning yourself in one of his shirts. You badly needed to get yourself regular clothes, you surely couldn’t keep stealing Kylo’s- he’d run out sooner or later.

     You stepped softly from the bedroom to the hallway, sneaking to catch Kylo in whatever he was doing at the time. You wanted to people watch him, to see how he acted while alone, it interested you greatly. You peeked from behind the corner of the kitchen door, and Kylo was standing in the kitchen, mixing some powdery substance with water to create a batter. You heart rate picked up- he was making pancakes. You absolutely loved pancakes. Did he remember that? Or was it a coincidence?

     You saw his eyebrow raise and you immediately knew he could hear you. His cheeks lifted ever so slightly as he smiled and turned his head to catch you watching him, which earned a small squeak from you as you swung back behind the wall. He chuckled.

     “You know I saw you already…” his deep voice teased. You groaned and lightly stomped out from behind the wall to stand with him in the kitchen. He continued mixing the pancake batter and after he poured small circles of batter into a pan, he went to set the coffee table for breakfast. You figured you would have sat at the actual dining table, but it seems his formal attitude had relaxed a great deal.

     You sat on the couch and a moment later a large stack of pancakes was sitting before you. You gulped, worried that you couldn’t eat so many pancakes, but accepting the silent challenge anyway. Before you could dig in, Kylo set two more plates on the table, and you smacked yourself on the forehead for thinking that gigantic stack of pancakes was your serving alone. When Kylo started serving himself, you did too.

      _This is nice_ , you thought to yourself. _I could get used to this._

     However, the cyclical side of you chipped in.

    _Will you ever get the chance to?_


	10. Chapter 10

     A little while after breakfast, Kylo had showered and was just lounging around with you, you both reading books for a few hours to pass the time on his day off. You enjoyed the relaxation, but you felt as though you were restless- you wanted to get a job within the order. Perhaps you could train troopers in staff combat? Help research and explore unknown planets? Something to get you off of the base. You were a person of action, although like anyone else, you loved relaxing. 

     You were always quick to develop cabin fever to say the least. 

      You and Kylo didn’t get to relax for very long, as he was called to speak to Snoke as soon as he could. You guessed the matter was urgent, seeing as Kylo was running around the quarters throwing his armor together like a madman. After he had gotten everything together- with some help from you- he bid you a simple “goodbye” with a smile at the door. 

     You were left alone in the quarters once again. With everything already explored, you saw no need to dig through any more of Kylo’s belongings. You decided to sit and meditate on Kylo’s bed, once again connecting yourself to the inner buzz of everyone on the base. As your eyes slipped closed, you immediately felt an anxious stirring from somewhere very far from you…

     Someone was very anxious in Snoke’s quarters. Their panic is palpable, and it fills you with anxiety. As you narrow down on their voice, you realize it is General Hux. 

_      “Supreme Leader, rebels have been reported running amok on Athulla. I fear they plan to overthrow our base there-“  _ Hux’s sentence fall short as you feel Kylo’s energy enter the room, and you feel an an aggravation radiate off of Hux. He speaks again. 

_      “It’s about time you put your dick in your pants and got down here, Ren. There are more pressing matters than your little plaything-“  _ Kylo’s anger cuts him off, and fear courses through your brain from Hux. His mind is going blank, and you suddenly realize Kylo is Force choking him. 

     You push out an aura of calm as hard as you can to give to Kylo, and Hux’s responding emotions are relieved. Kylo dropped him. 

_      “It’s okay, Kylo. He doesn’t know us,” _ you affirm, and Kylo sends you a warmth that leaves your fingertips tingling. He speaks. 

_      “Refrain from speaking about her like that if you want to keep your life, General,”  _ Kylo’s voice is solid. The General is angry, but doesn’t speak. His thoughts remain quiet, and then you are unable to hear anything more. A wall has been placed between you and the room, and a dead space remains where the men once stood. 

     Frustrated, you stop meditating and stand from the bed before reaching for your saber. You hold the cool metal in your hand before allowing your blades to emerge. They hum pleasantly in your hand, their blue hue shining bright in the dim light of the quarters. You turn your head toward Kylo’s dresser, where a giant mirror stand on top. You observe yourself, the left side of your features illuminated in the blue of your blades. 

     Interested, you stand and move more into the center of the room. You watch yourself as you spin your blades in front, behind, and around you slowly, observing how your form looks from an outsider’s perspective. The way you wield your blade, even after the years of not practicing, looks effortless and graceful, as if your blade is an extension of yourself. In a way, it is. A second limb with two identical edges that can sear their way through almost anything, just as you can. If you concentrated hard enough and became one with your blades, they became stronger in the moment, the blades themselves almost getting hotter and hotter. 

     You are so engrossed with what you’re doing that you don’t hear Kylo return, and he steps into the bedroom in a rush, angry about something. You turn off your saber and turn to him, asking what’s wrong. 

     “Snoke is sending me on a reconnaissance of sorts,” he grumbles out, and you offer him a half frown. 

     “I’m sure everything will be okay,” you say, trying to give him support and some semblance of stability. He sighs. 

     “I don’t like the idea of leaving you here alone. It gives me a bad feeling,” he says seriously, looking into your eyes. You frown. 

     “I’m capable of taking care of myself, Kylo,” you grumble, and he chuckles lightly. 

      “It’s not even just that, Snoke, for whatever reason, requested you aide Phasma with being Hux’s ‘personal guard’ while I’m away,” he says. You furrow your brows.

     “I suppose it’s better than sitting here waiting for you to come back,” you say and shrug. Kylo raises a brow at you before stepping into his closet to retrieve a suitcase and clothes, among other things. He packs quickly and efficiently, wasting absolutely as little time as he possibly can. You suppose this mission demands urgency. 

     Before he can dash out of the room on his way,  you grab his arm. 

     “Hey, don’t get hurt or anything, okay? I mean it,” you say seriously. He smiles at you. 

     “You know I won’t,” he says, kisses you on the nose lightly, and steps through the doors. Minutes pass with you standing alone in the middle of the living room, and you decide to get dressed in your official robes to go and explore the base to find Captain Phasma. You strap your saber to your belt and step out. 

     It takes you a good thirty minutes to find Phasma, but when you do, she is sitting in a small office adjacent to Hux’s. You knock lightly, and when she says come in, you do so. 

     “Hello, (Y/N). What can I help you with?” she asks flatly, and you decide she’s in more of a mood for promptness. 

     “Ren told me that I would be assisting you with guarding Hux while he is gone. I was wondering about the schematics of such a task,” you say, equally as monotone as her, yet respectful. 

     “Ah, yes. In complete honesty,” she begins before removing her helmet and rubbing at her eyes, “All you need to do is accompany him to the bridge and control rooms when he asks.” she finishes before looking up at you. Her blue eyes and blonde hair are not what you were expecting from her, and you stare at her dumbfounded for a few moments before snapping back to reality. 

     You nod. “And this starts tomorrow, I presume?” She nods in return, and with that you step out of her office. Given it was later into the cycle now and but not quite dinner time, you would go to the training room and train with your staff.

     For three strenuous hours you slashed, spun, stabbed and threw droids with not only your staff, but with the Force as well. Your powers were getting stronger, you ability to lift heavy objects coming back to you quickly. It wasn’t quite what it once was, but you vowed it would be soon. With enough training, you could undoubtedly get back to where you once were, and with ease at that. 

     What you were not aware of were the imploring eyes of General Hux located just beyond the glass of the training room, staring at you impassively. You trained and trained and once you were finished, you spun on your heel quickly. He didn’t get away fast enough, and your eyes met. His face did not move an inch, but yours turned up in indignancy. He thought you were a plaything for Kylo, not one of his equals. 

     You would soon prove him wrong. Stepping out of the door to the training room, you passed him with not even a glance on your way back to your room. Your large steps carried you there quickly, and after you entered you relaxed. You didn’t need to be on guard here, you were alone and you were safe. 

     With Kylo being gone, you cooked yourself a small dinner with what he had in his kitchen, tidied up the quarters before showering and turning in for the night. There was no need to sit and push back the inevitable of tomorrow. You didn’t want to admit it because you didn’t favor the General, but you were somewhat excited to get out of the quarters and do something around this base. 

     When morning came, you were awoken by the light of your holopad glowing brightly. The clock next to the bed read 6:30, and you knew that it was the morning cycle the next day. You rubbed your eyes and let them adjust to the light before straining to read the message.  

_ “From: General Armitage Hux  _

_ Recipient: You _

_ ‘(Y/N), I expect you to be dressed and reported to the bridge by 07:00 for your shift. Be prompt and don’t disappoint.” _

     You groaned loudly before throwing yourself from the bed and readying yourself as quickly as you possibly could, your wrist cramping from brushing your teeth so quickly. You threw on your robes and your armor, and lastly your helmet. You stepped out of your quarters at 6:45 on the dot, and walked as quickly as you could to the bridge. You were determined to be there a good time before 7:00, just to show Hux that you weren’t an idiot as he thought you were. 

     You arrived at 6:50 and walked immediately to Hux’s office, and he jumped when you slammed the door to his office open with the Force. 

     “Ren, what the hell are you doing back here?” he yelled at you. You laughed, the sound of it distorted through the voice modulator. 

     “I’m not Ren you dunce,” you garble out before removing your helmet to show your face to him. He visibly relaxes when your face comes into view, He releases a deep sigh and places his head in his palms. You stare at the top of his head, still as a stone. He recovers and look to you. 

     “You will be accompanying me to all of my meetings and rounds today. Keep up,” he says, before standing and walking toward the door. He stares at you, brooding silently in the doorway, and you move out of his way. He shoves past you and continues on his way to the bridge. 

     You follow him mindlessly for hours until even lunch passes. You wonder why this man doesn’t stop for lunch, but you reason it’s due to his schedule being so full. You’ve non stop been walking for five hours, and it shows no sign of letting up until Hux leads the both of you back to his office. As he sits, a burning question makes itself known in your mind. You remove your helmet and place your hands on his desk. 

     “If this is how mundane your daily life is, why do you need protection?” you stare into his eyes. He places his intertwined hands beneath his chin. 

     “It is not always this mundane, believe me. Anything could happen at any time, and especially so when Kylo is gone,” he states matter of factly, and you nod. You did see his point, why wouldn’t the rebels attack when the strongest member of the order is gone? 

     And that’s exactly what they did. A loud crash that shook the entire base made you grab onto Hux’s desk for support, and Hux completely fell out of his chair at the unexpected quake. You heard the alarm system begin blaring, red lights filling your vision as a voice came over the intercom. 

     “Code Red: Rebel Attack on Base. Code Red: Rebel Attack on Base!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all sticking with me! I’m going to actively try to write more often, but with being in my Junior year of High School, stuff gets busy sometimes with standardized tests, studying and the like. Thank you all for being patient!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh oh spaghettio

  “Code Red: Rebel Attack on Base! Code Red: Rebel Attack on Base!” on repeat every five or so seconds immediately began to give you a headache. The throbbing in your skull grew as you peered through the windows of Hux’s office. You saw heavy metal slabs closing over the glass of the bridge and Stormtroopers rushing all over the thin metal platform in the center of the room. Phasma passed you and upon seeing you, stopped and nodded at you once. She wanted you to stay with Hux, she projected that thought directly to you. You nodded back at her and she took off, her blaster in her hand, ready to fight for the Order.

    You decided there was no use in trying to disobey her when logic stated the General would need protection. The rebels would surely want to get their hands on a high ranking member of the order, you figured that much. You decided that staying put in this room was your best shot at the current moment, but Hux had other plans. He stood and recuperate himself quickly before rushing up to you and shoving you out of the doorway. You stumble back momentarily and try to stop him from rushing out into the madness with the Force, but he is too quick for you in your dazed state. 

    You watch as Hux traverses the bridge before you quickly rush after him, shouting at him to stop moving before he gets himself killed. He ignores you completely, rushing through the mass of stormtroopers on his way to his destination. He was a man on a mission, that much was clear to you, but you had a mission too. He pulled a concealed blaster from his person and shot two rebels who turned the corner, taking their lives without a second thought and continued on his way. You rushed behind him, not taking much time to explore the scenery around you until you saw a large smear of crimson on the wall. 

    This smear brought you back to reality, and you took in the gore all around you. Dead rebel and Stormtrooper bodies alike, splayed haphazardly in the hallways of Starkiller. Burn holes from blaster bolts imbedded in their clothes and armor. You began seeing flashes of the Jedi Temple behind your eyes, visions of death that were so prominent you rubbed harshly at your eyes to make them go away. Friends of yours, sliced through the middle with a lightsaber. The light in their eyes drained. You felt yourself becoming quickly overwhelmed by the similarities, your heart rate shooting adrenaline into your body so fast you began to shake. Your vision goes blurry and you’re forced to take a knee to collect yourself, taking deep breaths into your lungs. In your dizzied state, you lose track of the General, and when you recover you tear through the halls to find him, trying to turn a blind eye to the dead bodies scattered on the floor. 

    You find Hux in the middle of the Hangar. The room is filled to the brim with Rebels, Stormtroopers and officers of the Order scattering for cover from the flying blaster bolts. Hux is firing shots willy nilly, hitting some rebels but mostly missing. Time seems to slow right before your eyes, and you wonder if it is because of the adrenaline coursing through your body or if it is the work of the Force. You realize quickly that he is en route to run out of blaster bolts, and a few rogue shots later, you see him look panickedly at his blaster. Empty. More rebels pour in through the gaping hole they left in the hangar, and to you, there’s only one thing left to do. 

    You reach your hand out and yank on Hux with the Force, sending him flying back and behind the cover of a TIE Fighter. You spread your legs in a fighting stance, and in one swift motion spin your saber’s blades out into the air. The blades crackle with the amount of energy you omit into them, and you close your eyes to center yourself. Your blades narrow, your mind clears, and all there is is you and the enemy. You rush out into the crowd, cutting down as many rebels at you can with your blades, and throwing some out into the dead vacuum of space with the Force. Constantly moving, slashing, tossing and deflecting bolts. A few stray shots had landed in your calves and thighs, and you yelled in agony, but you did not stop. Your muscles screamed in protest after five long minutes of battle, but you pushed on. You were grunting like a wild animal, roaring with rage at whoever tried to oppose you. You knew you were unbalanced, you could feel it. You could hear it. The whispers of the Dark Side were getting louder in your ears with each life you took. But you didn’t care. You had your initiative and you had to succeed. 

    Your chest is heaving, your hair laying wildly over your eyes as you bare your teeth and scan the hangar for any more rebels. The few that remained are fleeing, but one rebel catches your eye. A man with brown hair and tan skin stares at you with his mouth agape at your display of the Force. You step off toward him menacingly and try to access his mind,  but he runs as fast as he can to a rebel X-Wing before boarding and flying out of the hangar. The rest of the rebels follow, and you idly wonder if he is a member of importance. You would need to remember his face. 

    As the hangar calms down, Order members emerge, one of which being Phasma. She steps over the carnage surrounding you and stares at you through the eye sockets in her helmet, her mind completely blank. You suddenly realize that none of the other members of the triumvirate knew of your secret: Your Force abilities. To them, Kylo was the only Force sensitive they had ever known. You feel a stirring in the back of your mind and quickly realize that it is General Hux. His thoughts are messy as he creeps up behind you and just stares at your dual blades, your disheveled hair and bleeding holes in your legs. He is very, very confused, but you decide now is not the proper time to provide him with an answer. There is another stirring, very far but growing closer at an intense rate, and you immediately recognize it as Kylo. 

    You rush toward the hole in the hangar as you hear his TIE Fighter screeching across the stars. He flies haphazardly through the hole and lands in the only spot not covered by cadavers. Immediately upon stepping out of his ship, he searches the hangar for someone; his head whipping around frantically for you. When he finally locates you, he wastes no time stomping his way to you and burying you in a hug. He surely could feel your mental turmoil and physical pain as your adrenaline high drops, and you suppose this was the only way he knew to comfort you. You collapsed to your knees, your injured legs unable to keep you standing. Your vision fades from blood loss, and your hearing goes fuzzy while you hear Kylo shouting about getting medbay ready. 

    He lifted you into his arms and started running. Despite several bullet wounds in your body, the worst seemed to be over, and you looked up at Kylo’s mask before pushing your nose into his armor and sobbing lightly. You were emotionally drained and overwhelmed by physical pain, but you thanked the stars that the worst of it was over. 

    Or so you thought, anyway. 

    Moments later, Kylo burst through the doors of the medbay and carried you immediately to a room filled with three doctors and a giant bacta tank. You’re placed on a table and Kylo’s face floats into your small field of view. He kisses your forehead lightly before his voice is speaking in your head. 

_ So much for me not getting hurt, I should’ve warned YOU instead,  _ he teased, and you exhaled in a laugh. His warm hand is on your forehead, and the last thing you remember is Kylo softly commanding you to sleep. 

 

    You wake with a start, the pain in your legs subsiding slowly as your brain clears the fog covering it from hours of sleep. Your head whips around the room in search of Kylo, who is nowhere to be seen. You frown lightly, but the small sadness in your heart subsides quickly as your eyes focus on a shadow in the corner of your room. A tall, pitch black shadow that has a very prominent energy, an energy that you could swear you’ve felt before. It speaks in your mind.

_ It is good to see you survived.  _ Your eyes strain, trying to see the face of the speaking shadow in the darkness, but you can’t. But it’s familiar...

_ Who are you?  _ You ask the figure, and all you get in reply is silence. Slowly, the figure moves closer to you, and you can make out the faintest blue hue surrounding it.

_ I spoke to you when you were very young. It makes sense for you to not remember me,  _ it says plainly, and immediately the memory of the strange man in your bedroom comes to mind. You open your mouth to speak, but the figure cuts you off.

_ My name is Anakin Skywalker,  _ he whispers. Your breath catches in your throat and your brows pinch together in confusion. 

_ What would a Sith Lord hope to accomplish by talking to a young Jedi?  _ You ask, lightly berating him. He sighs.

_ The Force is very mysterious. It gives one visions, surely you know this. You and Ben were destined to be together from the moment you were born. And I knew that, from my legacy, there was the possibility of darkness taking his heart over. I saw it in his destiny. But I didn’t see it in yours. I saw a separation, and I wanted to prevent it. I told you to never give up on those closest to you in hopes you would remember that when the time you two separated came,  _ he explains. You grimace.

_ And why tell me this now?  _ You ask. 

_ I’ve seen something. Another separation. Ben being further consumed by Snoke with almost no hope of being saved,  _ he states. It suddenly clicks in your brain that he’s trying to warn you. To give you a chance...

_ And you want me to try and stop it?  _ You ask. You feel his agreement and relief in the Force, but you are everything but relieved. This information just makes you more confused and anxious about how to continue before you run out of time. Without Snoke finding out about just how strong you are in the Force. Your fighting already set you up to be discovered, surely Hux would throw a fit and tell Snoke all about how Ren had a partner in destruction.

    Kylo couldn’t be made aware of the vision Anakin had of his future. He couldn’t be made aware that you even spoke to him in the first place; he would be upset that his grandfather never wanted to seek him out as a Force Ghost. This was one more thing you had to handle alone, and you silently wished that you didn’t have to carry so much on your shoulders. You had no idea how you would even begin this journey to save Kylo from the Dark Side. You knew his own disdain was a start, that it would help you convince him to do whatever it takes, but you had no idea what “whatever it takes” was. 

_ What do I do, Anakin?  _ You ask out into the void, but no response came. He was gone, and it was just you and your thoughts, alone again. 

    Everything with the Force was complicated, yet simple. Confusing, yet clear and so, so vague. Everything was predetermined, but also based off of your decisions. It felt futile to try to prevent some things, especially Kylo’s turn to the Dark Side, but you would be damned if you let him go again. You sat up in your hospital bed, the flimsy mattress giving your back a knot the size of your fist. Rubbing at your eyes, you began to feel the ache of your wounds in your legs once again, and decided that simply wouldn’t do. You had too much to think and worry about, and bullet holes in your legs could not be one of them. 

    You closed your eyes and inhaled deeply, cold, sanitized medbay air filling your lungs. You placed your open palm on one of your wounds, and dug deep within yourself, willing your inner Force to come forth from dormancy and aide you. Your palms tingled, your heart rate picked up, and a loud whispering overtook your ears before everything went quiet. You went as still as death. The only thing you could feel was a stinging in your leg as the wound closed under your power. Feeling triumphant at your returning abilities, you smiled. You healed your remaining wounds and then quickly got dressed in your armor. 

    Peeking your head out of your door, you searched the hallway for any personnel, and the only one you could find was snoring at his desk. You smiled and tiptoed out of the medbay, eager to go back to Kylo’s quarters. On your way there, you felt something, or more likely someone, suffering a great deal of sadness. You turned toward this emotion, letting it lead you through the halls of Starkiller Base until you came upon a room. The room appeared to be a common room of sorts, filled with an expansive amount of tables and plush chairs and what appeared to be a stocked bar, with a crying man sitting on one of the stools. 

    You stepped closer to the man and quickly realized it was General Hux. In a moment of daring, you placed your hand on his heaving shoulder, and he immediately jumped straight out of his skin. He wiped at his face frantically before looking at you with wide eyes. In his mind, he was fearful of you. He stared at you as if you were a wild animal, about to attack him at any moment. You wanted to ask him if he stared at Kylo the same way, but of course he did- Kylo was known for outbursts of rage. You would be different. You offered him a small smile as you sit next to him. 

    “Thank you, for what you did yesterday,” Hux says after five minutes of long silence, and you are taken aback that he would thank you for doing something you had to do. You nod and offer him a quiet “you’re welcome” before turning to go. Something about this conversation made you uncomfortable. Before you could go, Hux speaks again. 

     “This entire thing is my fault,” he mumbles out, and his overwhelming emotion causes a resounding ache in your chest. You realized Hux was a broken man, and he blamed himself for things that were out of his control. You pitied him. 

    “An attack on this base can’t be your fault, General. You need to understand that not everything that occurs on this base is of your doing. You don’t need to feel guilty for something you didn’t cause,” you reply to him softly before turning and walking out of the room.

     Something about talking to Hux put you on edge. Was it his reputation as an asshole on base? Or what it the fact that he was broken when you saw him? You continue on your way to Kylo’s room, and upon entering remove your shoes and armor as quietly as you can. He would surely ask you a multitude of questions about how you got out of medbay and how your wounds were gone, but if you could, you wanted to push all of that till tomorrow morning. You tiptoed into his room and saw him sleeping on the bed, snoring loudly. You moved to your side of the bed and collapsed, eager to sleep. You were exhausted and needed the rest.

     You would formulate a plan to get Kylo away from the Dark Side tomorrow. 

  
  


 


	12. Note!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a lil note

Hey everyone! Update will be a little late, sorry :/ Got a TON of school work this past week and oh buhjeezus does it make me sad that i have to put off one thing for the other. The chapter is half written, and i’ll be slowly adding to it these next few days so hopefully it gets done sooner rather than later :) see you all soon!


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